I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
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So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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