hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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