Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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