I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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