so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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