Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
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What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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