cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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