My underwear smells like fireworks.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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