He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
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Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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