My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize