Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize