I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
barbara walters just said penis...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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