....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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