when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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