There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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