Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize