my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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