It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
FUCK WHALES
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