We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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