I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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