I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize