Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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