She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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