Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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