Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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