Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize