just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
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I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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