peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
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I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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