absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
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She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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