You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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