I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize