Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize