He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
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dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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