He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize