4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
