we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We're too hungover to prance.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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