Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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