You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
