I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize