LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
