I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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