The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My ass is underappreciated
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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