haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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