I've blown a few things in my day
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
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Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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