Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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