Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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