Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize