why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
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Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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