I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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