I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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