Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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