i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
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It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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