is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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