you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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